Every morning that I leave S's house, I drive past this building.
Is it still open and catering to typewriters? No clue.
For months I've been meaning to take a photo,

-M!

Inside the room
where I held on to your clothes
while I stayed in bed all day
because it was the first time in weeks that life had slowed down enough
​for me to feel something

The day after I saw you again.

​--

I like the idea of being split in two.
one of me in the shadows
one of me in the light
together an uneven
volatile
whole
being

A new Japanese jacket that people will think is cool but might shame me for since I'm not Japanese.



​

​-M!

Breakfast alone.
Cleaning out the trash can.
A daily bodily rejection. Dysphoria.
A collection of morning routine.
Wiping water from my eyes.
​And- night.

This is as intimate as it gets.
This is as vulnerable as it gets.

And I know you didn't ask for it.

I am reaching for others to give me something real.
But not everyone can do that.
Not everyone is willing to let their guard down.

I get it. That shit isn't easy. It takes time to peel the layers of who you have learned to be.
Until you're alone.
(Until I am alone.)

for me to be alone almost feels dangerous
but i know that it really isn't
I'll fill up on words and images and people who i have missed.

-M

Feeling fucking raw can be messy and/or dreamy.
And/or painful
and or and or
relieving
refreshing
revitalizing
empty
and or
half-full
and or silent
and or
noisey
and or
nourishing.
So nourishing.
You decide.
​

If someone had given me a zine about the phases of life,
some of this is what I wish I would have been told:

You will transform multiple times throughout your life.

You are a reptile if any kind of animal. You will shed your skin over and over and over again.

Expect to exfoliate after every relationship
Expect the "newness" of being with yourself, and accept your solitude.
Love your solitude. When you are alone, you choose what you want so that later you have something to give.
"Take care of yourself first, so that you can take care of others later." (from my sister's boyfriend, Raul)

Remember who you are, who you were, and use those layers of you's to create a new one.
​
Expect to adjust to your surroundings.
Become aware of how your physical body interacts in the physical realm. In other words, be aware of your movements, and move with purpose.

Become aware of your voice and how your words will affect others. Imagine how your own words would affect you.

Learn to communicate in many languages- not just French or Spanish but verbally and non-verbally.

When you become so tired that you feel like you can't do anything else- when you want to give up- Do just ONE more thing. Push yourself just a little bit more.

All the cliches are true.
You are stronger than you can comprehend- until you're in a moment when you have to prove to yourself your strength.

You are not "pure"
Don't expect anyone else to be either.

-M!